So for today’s blog post were going to take it back in time a few years (for some of you) and for others you can look at your life right now and relate to this. I’m heading back to those dreaded school years which we all reflect back on from time to time, but the whole message of this post can be related back to any part of life. The whole idea is that you are your own being, and that by caring too much about what people think of you, you stop being yourself and effectively slowly mould into a reflection of someone else since you’re always doing what they want to be doing instead. And nobody wants to be a walking mirror now do we?
Back in the days at school it was easy to get caught up in this scenario, since being young you wanted to impress other people. The social hierarchy was toxic, or at least for me it was, and this social hierarchy exists in all areas of life, despite what you want to believe, even in your job there are those with the better positions, the managers the CEO’s and so forth. To impress those around us in social scenarios in order to fit in we often try to reflect those around us in order to relate and feel connected. Leading to you saying yes to things that you actually couldn’t give a crap about and hate, wasting money and eventually leading to you being unhappy. Again, this all stems from the bloody subconscious which convinces us that we need to fit in so we don’t get kicked out of the tribe and face imminent death. We live in the 21st century folks, this is very unlikely to happen nowadays.
When I went to university for 2 months (these were an unsuccessful 2 months) I ended up becoming more of a mirror than a human being, and you can imagine why. All of a sudden you’re a small fish in an ocean of bigger fish and you need to cross the ocean and survive, University is awesome because you’re constantly meeting new people, but for me this made it terrifying. I was so paranoid about getting invited to things and wanting to fit into a girl group, because I wanted to recreate the relationships I had back home, that led to me literally becoming and reflecting everything I didn’t want to be and wasn’t. As I’ve mentioned before, drinking and clubbing isn’t really my scene, I can do it every so often but not 3 times a week like these people at University were doing, but to fit in a said ‘YES’ to everything. Over time the drinking took its toll, my sleeping pattern was ruined and I found I was falling behind on reading and I didn’t feel like myself, and I hated it. I realised I was too scared to say ‘NO’ and it’s totally freaking okay to say ‘NO’ sometimes! If you’re that scared of what your friends are going to think of you for not going out with them or agreeing to plans or having other priorities, are they really your friends? Your true friends will love and accept you when you’re being the best version of yourself, which means being true to who you are!
So in order to break the mirror if you’re fearful you are becoming one, is to be more aware of how you act in social situations, how you respond to those around you, and compare this to how you are on your own and what you truly love doing. Are you constantly agreeing to things you know you dislike, in order to keep getting invited to things which you DISLIKE, in order to feel popular or feel as though you have a successful social life? The reason I used the school hierarchy as an example here is because for some of us this is where the mirroring starts, and some of us continue our whole lives being mirrors of other people into our careers because it’s all we’ve ever known. To break the mirror you need to be brutal and ask yourself if you’re happy, yes you may look like a social butterfly but in reality your wings are broken and you’re not flying because you’re holding yourself back from doing what you really love!
Always remember to love yourself for who you are, and in promoting yourself and being open about your hobbies and what makes you happy you will undoubtedly start to attract people who have common interests, these being your true friends who will love you for being you. So, it’s okay to say ‘no’ sometimes if you’re forcing yourself to do things that you don’t really love, and it’s okay to pull away from a group of mirrors in order to find your tribe. In promoting your vibe, you’ll attract your tribe, and you will be so much happier in yourself for doing so. YOU DO YOU! Because no one deserves to spend their lives mirroring other’s the first step is awareness, the second self-love, which we all need a little more of in our lives.
All my love,