So, I’d just got in from a really hectic day at work, I was mentally drained, but physically I could run a marathon. So I did… (not quite), but I ran and ran and the rain was pouring, and energy was just pouring out of me.
I got in and didn’t really feel much of a sense of relief, so I decided to have a bath, because if really pushing myself wasn’t going to shake this maybe I should try the opposite right? A bath would calm me and centre me again, and what better thing to do for ultimate relaxation than listen to an inspiring podcast?
I’d put on an episode from Christen Brown on – and if you haven’t heard of this lady I would seriously recomend her, she specialises in relationships but that’s not really what I go to listen to her about. She’s a very centred woman, who has experienced and been through a lot, but she maintains faith with the Universe and she’s all about keeping an eye out for signs that will help guide us on our paths.
In this particular episode, she was explaining how God helps us in mysterious ways, and sometimes if we don’t question the things that happen around us and take them as signs to progress and move forward then we end up playing the victim, our Ego takes over inside and we get all defensive, the ‘I don’t deserve this’ comes forward.
That was it. And at the time in the bath I didn’t realise. But as soon as I went downstairs for dinner I realised there was this knot of tension inside me, I wasn’t myself and I was aware of that and then it clicked. I have been playing the victim this whole time.
I was making it out as though my life was so hard, everything was working against me and it wasn’t fair, I felt mentally and spiritually stuck, I’ve been uninspired to write my blog and I’ve been struggling in my job. I felt like the Universe was against me and in thinking this I was sinking deeper into the mud. I was getting myself even more sticky and stuck, and I wasn’t going anywhere.
If I really thought about it for a second I would realise that the Universe had actually been providing me with everything I had asked for. I had the job, my social life has got 10X better than it used to be. (I mean fuck, when I was in a bad place with anxiety even seeing those people I felt closest to was hard because I had become so insecure.) I have met someone who I’m pretty convinced is the male version of me we get along so well!
In all, I should be really happy. So why wasn’t I? Why wasn’t I progressing?
Because I was playing victim.
It’s time for me to man up, if something isn’t working I really need to put in the time and energy to make something else work that would fulfill me more.
This isn’t me admiting defeat in the respect that I’m going to force myself to pursue something I strongly dislike, this is me telling myself and you too, that there is another way. The Universe is on your side, but the Universe can only do so much.
It will provide you with the ingrediants, but you have to make the cake.
Have a beautiful evening my loves, I hope you enjoyed this post, it’s time to get our mogo on and start inspiring ourselves, bring those frequencies higher and start loving ourselves again. Because we are awesome.
All my love,