Playing the victim

So, I’d just got in from a really hectic day at work, I was mentally drained, but physically I could run a marathon. So I did… (not quite), but I ran and ran and the rain was pouring, and energy was just pouring out of me.

I got in and didn’t really feel much of a sense of relief, so I decided to have a bath, because if really pushing myself wasn’t going to shake this maybe I should try the opposite right? A bath would calm me and centre me again, and what better thing to do for ultimate relaxation than listen to an inspiring podcast?

I’d put on an episode from Christen Brown on – and if you haven’t heard of this lady I would seriously recomend her, she specialises in relationships but that’s not really what I go to listen to her about. She’s a very centred woman, who has experienced and been through a lot, but she maintains faith with the Universe and she’s all about keeping an eye out for signs that will help guide us on our paths.

In this particular episode, she was explaining how God helps us in mysterious ways, and sometimes if we don’t question the things that happen around us and take them as signs to progress and move forward then we end up playing the victim, our Ego takes over inside and we get all defensive, the ‘I don’t deserve this’ comes forward.

That was it. And at the time in the bath I didn’t realise. But as soon as I went downstairs for dinner I realised there was this knot of tension inside me, I wasn’t myself and I was aware of that and then it clicked. I have been playing the victim this whole time.

I was making it out as though my life was so hard, everything was working against me and it wasn’t fair, I felt mentally and spiritually stuck, I’ve been uninspired to write my blog and I’ve been struggling in my job. I felt like the Universe was against me and in thinking this I was sinking deeper into the mud. I was getting myself even more sticky and stuck, and I wasn’t going anywhere.

If I really thought about it for a second I would realise that the Universe had actually been providing me with everything I had asked for. I had the job, my social life has got 10X better than it used to be. (I mean fuck, when I was in a bad place with anxiety even seeing those people I felt closest to was hard because I had become so insecure.) I have met someone who I’m pretty convinced is the male version of me we get along so well!

In all, I should be really happy. So why wasn’t I? Why wasn’t I progressing?

Because I was playing victim.

It’s time for me to man up, if something isn’t working I really need to put in the time and energy to make something else work that would fulfill me more.

This isn’t me admiting defeat in the respect that I’m going to force myself to pursue something I strongly dislike, this is me telling myself and you too, that there is another way. The Universe is on your side, but the Universe can only do so much.

It will provide you with the ingrediants, but you have to make the cake.

Have a beautiful evening my loves, I hope you enjoyed this post, it’s time to get our mogo on and start inspiring ourselves, bring those frequencies higher and start loving ourselves again. Because we are awesome.

All my love,

HG

Get to Know me a bit better!

Good morning beautiful readers. How are we all today? God knows why but I’m in a bit of a low mood, even after going on a morning run, so that’s a sign to me that after I’ve written this post I need to get outside again and go and visit my grandparents and get social rather than wallowing in my own pity at home on my own. Because I find that when I’m on my own it’s easy to get sucked into a black hole of despair, and as I just said I really don’t have anything to be sad about!

So here’s the Questions and Answers for you all- enjoy!

What’s my favourite book? This would have to be The Other Boleyn Girl by Phillipa Gregroy for me. I absolutely love historical faction, it’s my favourite genre, and this book started my addiction to it! Gregory actually inspired me to write a dissertation about Anne Boleyn for my EPQ in Sixth form, that’s how much this book moved me!

Favourite Ice-cream flavour? Anything chocolaty, honestly I think I’m addicted to chocolate it’s pretty bad!

What’s your most embarressing childhood memory? I don’t know if this is the most embarressing but it’s one of the only ones I can remember, I kissed this boy at his house when I was like 3/4 and I went in for it so hard he hit his head on the end his bed post!

3 favourite movies? I’m not even going to lie to you guys I don’t really watch TV, like seriously… This probably isn’t an absolute favourite but I do love the movie Safe Haven, I love the scenery and picturesqueness of the area it’s filmed.

What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever been? I would have to say South of France, we hiked between these moutains, the views were gorgeous and there were so many natural pools and greenery it was magical.

What accomplishment are you most proud of? Starting this freaking blog! I’ve always wanted to create an influence for myself, starting YouTube was another one of my big achievements, it’s just keeping commited to it!

Who would you like to live like for a day? May sound weird considering I’m a 19 year old girl, but I would love to be David Attenborough, I love the things he gets to experience and the influence he can weild, all for good causes too!

If you could ask your pet 3 questions what would they be? Do I annoy you by calling you cute all the time? Do you like being smothered? Do you love me?

When you’re having a bad day what do you do to make you feel better? One of the key things I do which eleviates me immediatly is writing it all down to find a solution, or I meditate, eat chocolate, have a bath, see my friends, cuddle my mum, go on a dog walk, get outside, go running…

Using one word how would you describe your family? Unfortunatly… COMPLICATED.

Who is the kindest person you know? Honestly I cannot pick between all my friends, I’d feel bad just writing one name down so here’s a few- Maisie, Lydia, Katy, Laurine… the list is endless.

What is the scariest movie you’ve ever seen? The Babadook really shook me up, I had to sleep with the lights on…

Celebrity crush? Gavin Leatherwood from Sabrina is seriously sexy omg..

That was a bit of random one folks, I could go on and on but I don’t want to bore you all to be honest! If you want to get to know me better you can always shoot me an email or comment below! Feel free to answer any of these yourselves too, I’m intruiged as to what you guys are like too, lets get to know each other!

All my love,

HG

(The broken pearl)

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@Hannah Grace            @Hannahzgracee